food blog

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I know, you’re thinking one of two things or both…

Number one would be, best brownies in the world my ass, who does she think she is? Yeah ok I here you, it’s a big statement to make, but you’re just going to have to trust me on this one. You only need to look at the ingredient list below to see these things can hardly taste bad.

Number two is probably, chocolate brownies…wow….ground breaking. Yep, again I understand. It’s kind of like me posting a recipe on how to cook pasta. Everyone knows how to make a brownie right? Well apparently not. The other day I decided to partake in the internet craze of black bean brownies that everyone seemed to be raving about. The recipes vary but basically you’re using mashed black beans instead of flour, lots of cocoa powder, and instead of sugar you can use agave syrup. In the pictures the brownies looked delicious; ok some looked like cardboard but I know sometimes it’s all in the taste. I read the reviews…

“Wow, I didn’t even realise I was eating a “healthy brownie” it tasted that good!!!!”

“This recipe is now my go to whenever I need a chocolate fix without the calories, delicious! You must makes these!!!”

Ooooh, I thought, they must be good, plus I won’t have to feel bad at eating one or two of these things in one go. So, I searched for the best recipe and I chose the one where the picture of the brownies looked the most delectable and off I went. Well, please let me be the one to inform you that black bean brownies taste. like. cack. Seriously I felt so let down, anyone who tells you these things taste good are lying to you! They taste bearable at that. I can only imagine this is how a man must feel when he see’s a woman with a great rack only to discover once they take it to the bedroom she whips out a couple of chicken fillets from her bra and then the truth is revealed, it was all an illusion, false advertising. Small breasts are just as attractive as large ones so why lie? How I started to talk about breasts on a brownie post I will never know. Anyway I was so miffed I had to obviously make real brownies, the more calorific the better……..

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Lobster Mac & Cheese

4 September, 2013

Right well, what can I say about this other than you need this recipe in your life, trust me you do.

Two things before we go any further… 1) My photography skills are clearly still not the best but hey I’m over it and I’m sure you are too. 2) This recipe isn’t the healthiest, I’m over that too and no I don’t eat like this everyday, think of this as a special treat dish. To be honest I hate that I even have to write that it’s just there will always be certain individuals who will comment on how I need to post more healthy dishes and ask, is this how I always eat? My theory is you all know how to make a salad, roast a chicken or cook a piece of salmon right? Course you do! Plus what would life be without cheese and pasta and lobster and cream!! Ok moving on! :)

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Now at first I was just going to add lobster to a standard mac & cheese simples… That was until I saw THIS RECIPE. This woman takes Lobster mac & cheese to a completely different level, just have a read of her bio she’s cooked for JFK junior for christ sake! After I saw her blog post normal lobster mac & cheese ( stirring lobster bits into a cheese sauce then mixing it in with your al dente macaroni) seemed like an embarrassment; I mean she calls it an abomination. This woman is clearly my mac and cheese spirit animal.
No, no, no I knew what I had to do and I was ready no matter how hard the task to face the consequences. This way was the only way.
Yes the recipe is alot more intimidating, yes it includes fancy cooking instructions such as, start by cooking our crustacean friends in a court-bouillon.” and yes you all couldn’t give a flying fuck about my little intro here you just wanna know how to make this so let’s just get on with it because oh baby it is worth it.

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How to make Paella

19 June, 2013

Because of the rubbish weather we’re having in London at the moment, I had to make this to remind me that it is infact summer time.
So, I turned up the heating really high in my apartment, popped on a bikini and a grass skirt (what, you don’t have a grass skirt?) stuck an umbrella in my drink so it looked like a tropical cocktail and blasted Fresh prince and Jazzy Jeff “Summertime” out of my speakers; drums please………………….
Ok so none of those things actually happened, but Paella did.

Oh baby………………

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This is what happens to my face when I eat Paella……

All I need now is a wind machine and a saxaphone playing in the background and this is basically like soft food porn.

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and this is how Paella makes me feeeeeel……….

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I’m done. If you wanna learn how to bust some shapes like my friend here the recipe is after the jump…

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I’m sorry.

Why on earth am I thrusting fried chicken infront of your face in bikini season? I’ll tell you why, because I’m weak and have no self control thats why! I actually used my blog as an excuse to make this, “I mean what kind of cooking blog doesn’t include fried chicken? Whoooo doesn’t like fried chicken? (vegetarians, people who live a healthy lifestyle, people who don’t like chicken, weirdos. Just kidding!!) So thats settled fried chicken it is!”

Yep that’s pretty much how it went down.

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If this redeems me at all I didn’t thoroughly fry the chicken, I went down a slightly less “heart attack-ish” route and fried the chicken until golden brown then I finished it off in the oven so it’s not as bad for you as you would think. Oh and erm… I served it with mustard mashed potato and homemade coleslaw. If you read that really fast we can pretend I said a side salad with lemon juice garnish instead argggggh!

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